Posted March 07, 2025
Have you ever found yourself agreeing to something you really didn’t want to do? Over-committed and spread thin, many people struggle to prioritize their own needs. Sound familiar? You might be a people-pleaser. It’s a common trait. But it can lead to burnout and strained relationships. The good news? There’s a solution. It’s all about setting healthy boundaries.
Sheryl Greene, speaker, writer, and consultant, knows firsthand the importance of boundaries. She joins us to share her journey from Olympic-level people-pleaser to boundary-setting expert. She provides insights and actionable strategies to reclaim your time, energy, and sanity.
Sheryl admits she didn’t always understand the importance of boundaries. In fact, she didn’t even realize they were a thing. Her wake-up call came in two stages. The first jolt was a full-blown burnout experience in November 2021.
She describes a moment of sheer desperation while sitting on the side of the road. Overwhelmed by a demanding non-profit job, her own business, caring for her parents, and endless commitments to friends and boards, Sheryl realized something had to change. She took a month off, focusing solely on her mental health.
Six months later, Sheryl found herself in the exact same position. Her plate was full. She had spent so much energy clearing off responsibilities, but they all came flooding back, bringing even more with them. This time, she recognized the core issue. “I can’t say no to people,” she realized.
Without addressing the underlying problem, temporary fixes won’t last. Sheryl likens it to organizing your pantry. It looks great for a while. But if you don’t set up a system for maintaining it, it will quickly revert to chaos.
Think about boundaries. They involve our schedules and what we allow into our lives. If you don’t identify why you’re people-pleasing, that plate will keep filling up.
Surprisingly, Sheryl’s psychology background didn’t immediately solve her boundary issues. Despite her studies, the realization came from an outside source. A friend suggested she read a book on boundaries. That’s when the lightbulb went on. She realized she had never learned about boundaries.
Sheryl defines boundaries as the way we allow people to treat us and our “stuff.” That includes our possessions, relationships, time, and well-being. Think of a property line, like a fence. It clearly marks where your space begins and another’s ends. We understand this concept with physical property. But it can be harder to grasp with personal boundaries.
One common misconception is that setting boundaries is something you do to people. People often see it as selfish. However, boundaries are actually an act of self-respect.
Boundaries define what you will and won’t accept. This shapes your relationships, career, and overall well-being. Aside from the personal benefits, boundaries can actually empower others.
Sheryl shares a story about her “car guy” friend. She always relied on him to fix her old Toyota. One day, he said no. At first, she was annoyed. But then, she decided to fix the brake light herself. She consulted YouTube and accomplished the task. She felt empowered by her newfound independence.
Sheryl considers herself an expert on codependency, not because of her degree, but because she has lived it. She was raised to take care of everyone else. Her needs weren’t even an afterthought.
This upbringing ties directly into boundary issues. If your only concern is other people’s well-being, you won’t set boundaries to protect yourself. You’ll ignore your own needs. Setting boundaries falls by the wayside.
While boundary issues can affect anyone, Sheryl believes cultural teachings play a role. Historically, women and girls receive the message they’re supposed to be caretakers.
She points to the toys marketed to different genders. Boys build things and have superheroes, while girls get baby dolls and kitchens. While this is changing, she notes, her generation still has that conditioning. Women are expected to be seen and not heard, always smiling and ready to help.
That being said, the more that Sheryl speaks to men, the more she realizes that they have their own issues with boundaries. It may just look different and she might be overlooking them.
Setting boundaries between work and life is crucial for sustainability. You can go all-out for a short period of time. But it’s not sustainable.
Consider whether you want to be around in the long run to do your job. Non-profit workers often feel the need to save the world. But if you don’t balance that with personal time, nurturing relationships, hobbies, and self-care, you will burn out.
Burnout can lead to taking months off, getting sick, or becoming a burden to the company. Your energy will drag everyone else down. Emergencies happen. There’s a time for all hands on deck. But if you don’t get out of that mode, you won’t last.
It’s natural to fear the consequences of setting boundaries, especially at work. What if I put up this boundary that I haven’t had before? It’s a very real fear. There’s always a possibility that your boundary will backfire.
However, if you set a boundary properly and the other person doesn’t respect it, they don’t respect you. Is that somewhere you want to be? Sometimes, decisions are made for you, and it turns out for the best.
Often, we fear the worst-case scenario. But if you’re a good, valued employee, your boss likely won’t fire you for setting reasonable boundaries. Setting boundaries can strengthen the relationship. It shows you want to do your best work and that you value your family and self-care.
So, how can you start setting boundaries today? Here’s Sheryl’s advice:
You might feel guilty after setting a boundary. That’s normal. We like helping people. That’s a wonderful trait.
However, Sheryl isn’t suggesting you become a selfish person who doesn’t do anything for anyone. The point of boundaries is to make sure you’re taken care of before you help others. It leads back to sustainability.
You can be everything to everyone for a while. But if you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to sustain it. You won’t be useful.
There will be a little guilt. But remind yourself that if you say yes, you might let someone down anyway because you can’t carry it out. Or you’ll let your family or yourself down. Letting yourself down is the worst. It impacts your health and how you see yourself.
Sheryl emphasizes you won’t become a perfect boundary-setter overnight. Boundaries are like a muscle. You have to keep working on them.
You’re going to screw up. Sheryl admits she still does, even after all her research and practice. When that happens, she kicks herself for a few seconds and then turns it into a learning opportunity.
A “boundary hangover” is when you wake up the next day and realize you should have set a boundary. You feel resentful and overwhelmed.
You have two choices. You can completely give up. Or you can laugh it off and recognize it as a learning opportunity. Sometimes, you can turn it around and apologize. Explain you can’t do it. Or offer to help in another way.
You can also power through it and recognize you’ll face similar situations in the future. The specifics may be different. But you’ll know to take different action next time. Don’t give up because you screwed up. Keep working at it.
You Have the Right to Set Boundaries
Sheryl emphasizes that you have the right to set boundaries. Too many people grow up believing they don’t get to say no or care about themselves.
If you need permission, Sheryl officially gives you permission to set boundaries, say no, and put yourself first for once.
Curious to know more about Tim Stating The Obvious? Contact me through the contact form below to delve deeper into the world of leadership excellence!