What truly sets a leader apart in today’s dynamic environment? It might not be strategy, intelligence, or even experience. Instead, it’s the profound ability to forge genuine human connections. The leaders who cultivate trust, navigate conflict effectively, and inspire the best in their teams are the ones who make a lasting impact. This deeper human element is becoming increasingly critical in an era often dominated by data and technology.
Today, we explore the essential role of human connection in leadership with Nancy Appleman-Vassil, founder and CEO of APLS Group. For over 25 years, she has helped leaders and teams enhance communication, deepen self-awareness, and build healthier work cultures.
Nancy Appleman-Vassil reveals a lifelong interest in people and connections, starting from a young age. “Ever since I was 4 years old, I knew that I was interested in people and people in connections,” she says. This early curiosity began with observing families and couples in restaurants, pondering their stories, and recognizing that body language often speaks volumes beyond words. This fascination continued through her schooling, leading her to volunteer in the high school guidance office, driven by a desire to help others.
Her path solidified in 1984 during her national certified counselor exam. Two questions, in particular, resonated deeply. One concerned the non-profit NTL Institute, where she worked. The other focused on Carl Rogers, her favorite therapist, and his empathetic approach. Rogers’ methods of active listening and open-ended questions—phrases like “So what I hear you saying is,” and “Say more about that”—struck a chord. Nancy Appleman-Vassil realized, “That’s it. That’s really what I want to do. I want to just ask people open-ended questions to find out more because I’m curious and to help them help themselves.” This pivotal moment marked the beginning of a career dedicated to understanding and supporting human potential.
As Nancy Appleman-Vassil began her career, she uncovered some unexpected truths about human behavior in professional settings. A significant percentage of people struggle with low self-esteem. They have received discouraging messages throughout childhood, school, or their careers. Instead of encouragement, they often hear what they are doing wrong.
This pervasive negativity creates a fear of taking risks or stepping outside their comfort zones. This fear is particularly apparent during times of change. Nancy Appleman-Vassil notes, “People are really afraid to move. They call it job hugging now, where people are just holding onto the job even though they hate it or they’re not excited by it because they’re afraid of going after something else.” This resistance stems from a lack of belief in their own capabilities, often rooted in early life experiences.
Tim Staton observes an apparent contradiction: “The job market now seems like people are changing from job to job to job. Are you finding the opposite?” Nancy Appleman-Vassil explains it’s a balance. Some individuals, like her colleague, will leave toxic environments despite financial considerations. Others feel “stuck,” torn between security and the desire for something more fulfilling. They fear the financial implications of change, especially when responsible for a significant portion of family income. This highlights the complex interplay between personal belief, financial security, and career satisfaction.
Nancy Appleman-Vassil herself faced a similar crossroads when she was laid off for the second time. She decided to avoid a “trifecta” and take control of her career path. Her husband was the family entrepreneur, having started various businesses. Now, it was her turn. “That was the biggest risk I ever took in my life,” she recalls, referring to starting her own business 25 and a half years ago.
Through outplacement services, she spent three months researching and reflecting. She even received job offers, but something felt off. “They have their Sunday best on today because they’re trying to recruit me,” she realized. This led her to a profound decision: “I just think maybe I need to do this on my own.” This decision was deeply personal, even drawing a visit from her father, an entrepreneur himself. On July 4th, 2000, just two days after she launched her business, her father flew to Raleigh. He had two simple yet profound questions: “Is this something you really want to do?” and “Do you think you’ll be successful?” Her confident “Absolutely” was all he needed to hear. He simply wanted to see the belief in her eyes.
This experience underscores the power of belief in overcoming challenges. Her father’s visit was before modern video calls, emphasizing the human need for direct connection to gauge sincerity. She had to learn to transition from a steady paycheck to managing payroll, a significant shift requiring immense self-belief and determination.
Tim Staton highlights a key point: “Your dad just wanted to see, ‘Do you believe you’re going to be successful? Because if you believe you’re going to be successful, then you will.’” This leads to a critical question for leaders: How do you help clients lacking that belief? Nancy Appleman-Vassil emphasizes the power of open-ended questions. She asks, “What’s your biggest fear? What would happen if you don’t have success?” This approach helps individuals confront their anxieties and imagine a positive outcome.
Her own journey with overcoming a fear of flying after the Challenger accident in 1986 illustrates this point. Despite developing a deep fear, she found ways to travel for work, demonstrating extreme resilience and creativity. She took trains, drove, and even arranged childcare with friends. Realizing this wasn’t sustainable, she sought therapy and hypnosis. The hypnotist’s technique of counting down from 50 became a powerful tool for meditation and managing anxiety.
Her determination to not let fear inhibit her passion for connecting with people led her to travel the world. In 2010, she flew from Raleigh to Singapore, demonstrating that “anybody can do anything if they put their mind to it.” This personal triumph now allows her to help others on planes, sharing her learned techniques. This story exemplifies how a leader can guide others to tap into their own resilience and self-belief. It shows the importance of understanding and addressing underlying fears to help individuals reach their full potential.
In today’s volatile job market, layoffs are a harsh reality. Tim Staton asks, “How do we help those folks realize, like, it’s not you all the time? And so how do we help those folks recover from that setback?” Nancy Appleman-Vassil has direct experience in this area, having worked as a consultant for outplacement services after her own layoff. She helped individuals prepare for job interviews, particularly addressing the challenging question: “Why are you looking for work?”
Her advice centers on direct communication and demonstrating value. For example, an interviewee could say, “Perhaps you heard about the 1,000-person layoff. I was part of that. Here’s what I’m able to help you with today. Here’s the skills that I can bring to the table because I did some research about your organization, and here’s how I can support you.” This approach shifts the narrative from victimhood to capability.
Crucially, Nancy Appleman-Vassil emphasizes that layoffs are “for the most part, not their fault.” Executive decisions about departmental cuts or company mandates drive these changes, not individual performance. “It has nothing to do with the people that are associated,” she states. She expresses surprise that some companies still fail to handle layoffs with care. A recent example she cites from the Triangle Business Journal involved a company notifying 90 employees of job elimination via email. “How unhuman is that? Inhumane is that?” Nancy Appleman-Vassil exclaims, highlighting the profound lack of human connection in such practices. The impact of such impersonal communication leaves a lasting negative impression on employees.
Companies, especially smaller ones, might argue they cannot afford outplacement services. However, Nancy Appleman-Vassil believes there are still ways for leaders to support their departing employees. It begins with “having a conversation. It’s having a coaching conversation almost.” Leaders can initiate one-on-one coaching moments, asking questions like:
These conversations help individuals clarify their goals and identify potential paths forward. Furthermore, if a leader foresees potential layoffs six months in advance, they can proactively offer skill-building opportunities. “Why don’t you say, ‘Hey, let’s talk about some skill building. Let’s get you enrolled in a community college course on X, whatever that may be?’” This proactive approach demonstrates genuine care and empowers employees to prepare for future opportunities.
Nancy Appleman-Vassil shares an experience from a non-profit where a new executive director not only promoted her and a colleague but also invested in their development. He clearly communicated his expectations and offered support: “I need you to be more strategic. So here’s some things for you to consider. I’d like you to take a course, read a book, do a seminar, whatever those things were to help you get to where I want you to be.” This director’s approach fostered growth and demonstrated true leadership.
He also provided valuable insight into leadership challenges, describing how people often “throw stones” at leaders, trying to “knock you down.” His guidance helped Nancy Appleman-Vassil refine her leadership style, moving from “let me tell you what to do” to “let me listen to what you have to say.” This shift emphasizes collaboration and empowerment over directive management.
Despite having over 25 years of experience, Nancy Appleman-Vassil remains committed to continuous learning and growth. She describes finding a new balance in her life, prioritizing health through Pilates, walking, and biking. She also cherishes her role as “yahya” (grandmother) to four grandchildren who live nearby, allowing for precious family time. “I’m at a point in my development where I’m still learning. I’m still embracing,” she states, noting a newfound calmness compared to younger colleagues who are still intensely “hustling.”
She has strategically streamlined her activities, focusing on her strengths. Her business thrives on long-term relationships, with 85% of clients being repeat or referral-based. This allows her to carefully choose how to invest time and resources into the remaining 15% of new business. She finds new client acquisition often comes from past relationships, like a former client reaching out for new work with a different executive team.
Nancy Appleman-Vassil also shared her involvement in a women’s power group that fosters accountability for sales outreach. Members gather on Zoom, mute their mics, and focus on making calls for an hour. Afterward, they share their accomplishments, creating a supportive and productive environment. In addition to her coaching and consulting, Nancy Appleman-Vassil is writing her second book. Her first book, “18 Common Mistakes Small Business Owners Make,” offers practical advice based on her experiences. The new book expands on this series, drawing from her keynote speeches and workshops. She hopes to publish it by the end of the year, demonstrating her ongoing commitment to sharing knowledge and supporting others.
Tim Staton notes, “It doesn’t sound like you pared anything down at all. It sounds like you’re incredibly busy.” Despite her full schedule, Nancy Appleman-Vassil emphasizes the importance of authenticity and genuine connection. She views herself as an “O in the world of X’s,” a non-conformist who prefers unscripted conversations. “Whereas somebody else that might be a guest on your podcast might have said, ‘Can you give me the 15 questions that you’re going to ask me so that I can prep it?’ With you, I said, ‘I’ll be there.’” This reflects her belief that true connection comes from spontaneous interaction, allowing her to speak from the heart.
This approach aligns perfectly with the podcast’s goal of fostering meaningful dialogue. Tim Staton concurs, stating, “I think the best episodes happen when we’re just two people having a connection, having a great conversation.” This type of interaction creates content that resonates deeply with listeners, especially in a world grappling with constant change and uncertainty. The human connection, whether in leadership, personal development, or even a podcast interview, remains paramount.
The human side of leadership is not just a soft skill; it is the cornerstone of effective and enduring influence. Leaders who prioritize empathy, self-awareness, and genuine connection build trust, foster resilience, and create environments where individuals and teams can thrive. As Nancy Appleman-Vassil’s journey illustrates, from a childhood fascination with people to a career dedicated to empowering others, the power of belief and authentic interaction drives success. In a world increasingly reliant on technology, the ability to truly connect remains the ultimate differentiator for leaders who want to inspire, guide, and make a lasting positive impact.
Curious to know more about Tim Stating The Obvious? Contact me through the contact form below to delve deeper into the world of leadership excellence!